I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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