You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
