I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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