her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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