their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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