I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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