overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
