do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
