I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
