I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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