Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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