I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
