he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
