the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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