i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
