Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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