so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
