you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
