Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
