there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
