So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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