Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
