I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize