I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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