When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
