It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
