2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
