i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
