I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
