I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
