summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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