Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
