do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
