Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
