You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
