Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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