I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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