Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
