i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
