Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Randomize
