You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
