Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
