I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
