dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
