i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
