she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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