your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
