does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
she smelled like a LAN party
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
