No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
