when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
