Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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