I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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