id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
