Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
