Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
