After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
