I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
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