I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
