so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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