Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
