Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
