I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
