god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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