i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
