I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
