I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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