My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize