Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
